Identity: Roslyn Goes To Therapy

(upbeat music) Do you ever feel like you're living in exile? Like, you did something wrong and they sentenced you to this meaningless life and friends who don't understand you? Come on! (suspenseful music) Why am I here? (suspenseful music) (upbeat music) I have a secret. All my life, I've had questions about my faith. About God. About religion. (upbeat music) But now. ♪ The truth ♪ I wanna tell you my questions. Struggles. My doubts. (upbeat music) I hope you can handle ♪ The truth. ♪ The truth. (upbeat music) (graphic whooshes) (pages rustling) So is this the first time that this happened? It's the first time I ever actually did it, but I've thought about doing it a lot. What happened next? I screamed. (dramatic music) (Roslyn screams) You know, everyone and everything in this suburb pisses me off. I'm sorry, but that's how I really feel. (gentle music) Trapped. In this town. Big money. Big houses. I don't know, I just feel, I just feel lost, alone. (gentle music) Like, yeah, I have friends, but they all feel like fake friends. And (sighs) if there really is a God and He really does love me, then how come I feel this way? (gentle music) What's the point? We all long for two things, to be known and loved. If we aren't known or loved, we're just alone. Ignored and unimportant. If we are loved, but not known, we spend our time hiding who we truly are and it becomes lonely and exhausting trying to keep up our pretense and fearing discovery. Being known, but not loved, is worse. It's our ultimate fear coming true. But the promise of Christianity is that one person who knows us completely also loves us unconditionally. I feel like I'm missing something. Your friend, Hanna, from Life Group, would you call her a friend? I want her to be my friend. Okay. The night you and Hanna had the fight, you were in your car, what was the fight about? Tell me that story. Well, I was driving Hanna home from Life Group and things got a little out of hand. My mom confessed to me yesterday that she's been messaging this guy from the Scrabble app. They exchanged numbers and they've been texting ever since. (suspenseful music) Yeah, I stole her phone to see what they were saying. Risky, I know, but their last message to each other was, "Please remember my teen in prayer as tragically she must be seen at the grocery store with her family today." (laughs) I just wanna be included. How do you think it makes me feel when you invite me to these church things as an afterthought, and then we get there and you leave me to hang out with everyone else and I'm just sitting there alone looking like an idiot? (suspenseful music) I know it probably seems stupid to you, but we've been friends for almost a year now. And I've told you this at least a hundred times. When you do that, it makes me feel like everything else in your life is more important than me. And maybe you just needed a ride, and maybe we're not friends and I don't matter. And maybe you don't even actually care about me! (car door opens) (car door slams) (suspenseful music) (Roslyn screams) (crickets chirping) I want more. I wanna feel like I belong. I don't. Is there something wrong with me? No. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. It just feels like everyone else at school has their squad and they're all so happy. And I want that so badly, but I just cannot, could, could not ever feel like I actually belong anywhere. I mean, I do the things that they do. I have the things that they have. I just feel like something's missing. I think that's the end of our session for today, but I want you to think about this question before next time. What do you think is missing from your life? (gentle music) One of the scariest feelings is the feeling of not knowing who you are. It's easy to look to other people, just trying to be who they want us to be, but when we do that, we can end up feeling hollow. Like, we're just always acting the part and never quite getting the lines right. A lot of people in the world today say the answer is to look inside yourself, look deep within and find out who you are, but the Bible says the opposite. It says that if we look to Jesus, we'll find out who we are. We can attempt to find meaning for ourselves, but it's like building a sand castle at low tide knowing that hours later all your work will be erased, because if there is no God, we're nothing more than atoms and molecules. But if there is a God, our lives have ultimate meaning. (gentle music) (crickets chirping) Roslyn? (cat meows) (window thuds) Why didn't you text me? We have phones. My mom took my phone so I... What do you want? Can we talk? I guess. I'll be down. Just let me talk to my mom, so she doesn't think I've been taken or something. Please. Gave me a heart attack. (crickets chirping) (gentle music) I'm pretty sure my mom was messaging the Scrabble guy again. It's awkward. (Roslyn laughs) So? I've been involving myself with all of these things, with church and school and life groups, you know, just trying to fit in. But I still don't really feel like I belong anywhere, with anyone, and I really want that. When we drove home the other night, honestly, I was just really triggered. I mean, I want to be your friend, I want you to be my friend, but I'm just scared. Like, what if it doesn't work out? Or what if you find out who I really am and you don't, and you don't like me? Found out as what? As someone who's just kind of going through the motions. Are you? Sometimes yeah. I think so at least. Why? I'm not sure, but I just wanna say, I'm sorry. Thanks. (gentle music) (crickets chirping) It's easy to believe that our satisfaction comes with the next experience, the next accomplishment, the next high, the next relationship. The Bible says we are here by God's design to glorify Him, to enjoy Him, and to love other people with everything we have. That's how we join in the love of God. It can be easy to focus on the question, who will love me? But sometimes a better question to ask, is who can I love? I remembered something my counselor said that had been resonating with me so much. I think sometimes we believe that our relationships, our experiences, Money, fame, success will provide the happiness we seek, but there's always a gap left. It doesn't fully satisfy. Only God can fully satisfy. I guess I missed it. God really cares about me and I never even looked up to see that. (upbeat music) ♪ The truth ♪ (gentle music)